Sunday, November 7, 2010

Six Ways to Fight Fair with Your Partner

Angry Talk (Comic Style)Image via WikipediaEverybody at some time or another ends up finding themselves in a dispute with their partner. Even the most compatible couples can find themselves in an argument with one another from time to time. Sometimes an argument comes from tiny misunderstandings but other times they are due to much more serious, difficult issues. The basis of any sound relationship advice is the importance of fairness on the part of both parties. Here are some steps you can follow so you can have a fair fight with your partner:
Be aware of your negative emotions and feelings
You and your partner should start by acknowledging the negative emotions you feel towards each other, but don't discuss it just yet. If you are angry at your partner for something he or she has done, then be honest with yourself. Don't forget that it's okay if you're angry or your feelings are hurt. You shouldn't act as if you're OK if you aren't since this just eventually makes it harder.
Let one another cool off, then consider the right thing to say
Often it can be a persons first reaction to an argument, to start being verbally abusive or angry. None of this behavior will solve anything. It is important not to say things in the heat of the moment, so that you don't end up saying something hurtful out of anger. But particularly because the situation is so fraught with emotion, this is complicated. If you're too agitated for a constructive discussion, take a breather to calm down and find the right words.
Express your grievances constructively
It's essential that you both feel you can express your thoughts and air your grievances. You should be honest with you partner and tell him or her what you would really like to say as long as you do so in a tactful and constructive way. Expressing yourself constructively means avoiding hurting or sarcastic comments that will only aggravate the situation. Bringing up long-resolved issues or past mistakes that are simply irrelevant to a current problem is definitely not the way to go. Use fighting to fix your problems rather than to wound your partner.
Don't do all the talking--alternate as listeners
A fair fight will have you both expressing your views in turn Ask your partner that he or she listens to you before you start to talk and that he/she does not argue his or her point right from the start. When it is your partner's turn, do the same. Allow your partner to speak without breaking in.
Allow the moment and issues to sink in
State your complaint and then give your partner a little time to think. In this way, you'll both be able to concentrate on your problem and get your feelings in check. Give this stage all the time you need even if it's several hours before moving to the next step.
Admit when you are wrong, ask forgiveness and work together for solutions
Regardless of who started the argument, it is important that both of you take your share of the blame and sincerely apologize to one another. Being apologetic will allow both of you to mutually solve the conflict.
Let it be a learning experience, but leave the problem in the past
When you reconcile, apologizing isn't the end. Conflict in a relationship can be a learning experience as long a both partners let go of any resentment and move forward. Once a problem has seen a resolution, don't present it again.
People in healthy relationships still fight. It assists both people with improving their relationship and growing as individuals.
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